I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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