Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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