i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
