If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
