I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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