you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize