its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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