Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Its about making memories worth repressing
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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