Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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