Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
