life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
