Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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