I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
