my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
