I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm at about main and main street
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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