census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Sober January is a disaster.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
