I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
