the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
