I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
