take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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