The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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