You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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