Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
