I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Randomize