Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
