Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
