You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
