I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
