He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The adults are the big ones right?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
