So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
