I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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