i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
