Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
