It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
