She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i would punch a child for taco bell
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize