I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
