I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
