my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The adults are the big ones right?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
