Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
