Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Can I color on your dick again?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
