I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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