Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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