So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
