end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize