I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize