her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
