I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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