All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
