Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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