The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
