I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize