I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
