Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
