you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
