i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
