i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
