Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
