We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
