he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
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