wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
