Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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