I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
