hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
