Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
well you can't waste a boner
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
