I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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